Tag Archives: love

Travel

Happy 2024.

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Hope you’ve had a great day!

Been a busy one here. Normal daily chores and beginning of the year bills for Real estate fees and such. Made black eyed peas and cabbage in the crock pot and also had cheese noodles and smoked sausage tonight for dinner.

Walked a while and did a workout (first supernatural workout of the year ) and some light reading and TV.

Tackled a few small clean up projects and wrote a letter. May write one more before bed.

Tell me about your day? Anything you’re excited about in the new year?

All the best,

Amanda

Christianity, court, dance, faith, Greek Orthodox, happiness, hello: goodbye, hospital, legal, Life, wonder, wrongful death

Hi there! Bye there 2023!

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2023 has been a mixed bag for me. Some of my highest highs and some of my lowest lows. But mostly a lot of smaller ups and downs.

I lost my beautiful husband and couldn’t get anyone to take my case against what I feel is a horrible hospital with a lot of horrible practices; who I believe caused my husbands death, not his cancer process.

I’ve started back to an Eastern Orthodox Christian church, in Montgomery. It’s small and I feel at home there mostly. I’m glad to have fellowship with even a small church.

I’ve done a lot of gratitude journaling in the last year, a lot of studying the concepts of manifestation and have come back to the same conclusion each time…it’s ALL God, I don’t need a process or a book to teach me to talk to Him more.

Sure, a journal helps in the whole mindfulness aspect of things, but past that, a lot of the books I’ve read have rubbed me wrong because they don’t feel true to God, they feel alien to me, so I grab what I need and I dismiss the parts I don’t feel feel like Him.

Ive prepped a garden and spent a good part of the year working towards clearing the overgrown parts of my land. I’ve killed the John Deere riding mower more than I care to tell you, I’ve given the greenworks zero a turn a run for her money. I spend a lot more time outdoors between the land and my animals (4 goats, 3 dogs, and 24 chickens, minus the 3 indoor kitties).

I’ve dated a man mostly quietly since late June early July. It’s not a relationship that anyone anywhere is going to write a bestselling love story about…but he’s pleasant and makes me smile and laugh: I’m glad he’s in my life.

I intend on 2024 being a year of heavy blogging for me as well as a lot more soul searching and following my own paths. So this is one last post to close out 2023, and tell you I look forward to adventuring with you in 2024.

lol I finished my post and had closed it out, and was done playing with the land for the day, but this came on and changed my mind:

https://open.spotify.com/track/7e89621JPkKaeDSTQ3avtg?si=NcN6LS5JT9mfB_WXqEpCPA

All the best!

Amanda

faith, Travel

I haven’t written in a while, have had a lot going on, and a lot of thoughts tumble through my head daily.

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I still miss my husband, more than words can express, and I still feel the hospital that had him, killed him. I knew the cancer could take him, but everything in me screams that this wasn’t the cancer. I am talking to lawyers and hoping I can get one who sees enough merit in what I’m telling them to take my case.

Little issues since he’s been gone, lawnmower issues that were above my wheelhouse (and Pay taught me to do a lot on my own) the well went out last week, and the washer quit working this weekend. The cost to replace the well was just over 200, the washer was going to exceed 700 when all was said and done, and the dryer had already been taking 3-4 cycles at an hour each to dry a load; so I opted to scrap (Lulu picked up yesterday) and buy a used set from an appliance store in Prattville. The new washer and dryer will be here today. I will be sad to lose my front loaders, but I guess this is life.

I’ve been working out more, and trying to manage the day to day here. Had some business on the real estate side of things, but sadly have had troubles getting myself to work a nursing shift since Pay’s passing. I am afraid of how I will react when I see a nurse or Aide refuse to take care of a patients needs. My fists clench at the very thought…I’ve seen it a lot in my career and usually am the one to pick the slack up…but for now, I’m afraid of how much it will make me break down.

I’m reading a book called the magic, by Rhonda Byrne…so far I’m enjoying it, it’s about embracing gratitude fully. I needed that in my life right now.

I am thankful for the time that I got with my husband, however brief it was. I am thankful that I’m the one who lost him the way I did because I had loved him a long time and know that if he’d died and I never got to hold his hand, hug him, kiss him or all the other intimacies that come in a marriage again…I would have been crushed much more than I already am, though I would maybe also not have seen all he went through or felt as uptight about those in the medical profession as I do today.

I am thankful for my little home in the country, my son and daughter are more relaxed and different people here than they ever were in Frisco. I an more at peace here and still see Payton in everything around me. Im looking forward to more repairs and making the house more and more a home: Cleaning the barn this fall once the weather is cooler. Im thankful for so many little details, but mostly I’m thankful for all he brought into my life.

I will close for now, I hope you are all blessed. Take care.

~Amanda

Christianity, faith, Greek Orthodox, Life

He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” (Matthew 16:15)

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Who am I to you? That’s what Christ was asking…and really it was a valid question for Him to ask then, and it’s a valid question for us today, to ask of our relationships around us, with the people in our lives as well as our relationship with God, right down to the relationships we have with ourselves.

We have many many people who dance in and out of our lives, all of our lives. To some I have been a good friend, to others I have been nothing. Some have found me to be abrasive, obnoxious, funny, charming, kind…any number of words could describe me in any given day, in any given moment.

I have had friends who have left my life over something petty…I don’t know what or who I am to them, not anymore. I don’t know if they hold onto fond memories of me or they let the petty moment that broke our relationship/friendship define me. I can’t control how they see me, I’ve made my peace in every way I know how and gone on with my life.

I don’t know how my kids see me most days, am I an ok mom? I would guess from the fact that the only time they verbalize how they feel about me is when they don’t like me so much…maybe I’m not? I’ve done the best I can there, I’ve tried to make their lives memorable, I share wonderful memories with all 4 of them, and God knows I’ve loved them to the best of my ability.

My relationship with God…it’s not perfect, but I think he knows my heart, he knows how I feel, even if my church life isn’t solid. (I’m currently ‘outside’ my church, because I married outside of the church, which isn’t the right way to go in Eastern Orthodoxy, but I hope to eventually right that, as I truly love my faith. I cannot take communion until that time, which believe it or not, makes me sad) I still read my readings, follow my liturgies and my church on social media for now, and I still pray…I don’t like being estranged, as it makes me wonder what Christ would say…right now…to me, we’re I to ask him:

Who do you say that I am?

Travel

What is love (baby don’t hurt me…no more )

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It is 14:44, I’m lying here listening to my relatively new husband sleep on the phone, no less than 650 miles away. He has work in less than 2 and a half hours, and the new schedule is wearing him out.

Lying here thinking as he’s sleeping, about something he said to me a month or 2 ago, I’d asked him how he knew he loved me, he said something I had never heard before, but when I sit and think about it, it makes me happy, and it gives me hope we can make this last.

His answer was simple, he told me that he felt something with me that he waited to feel with others and hoped to feel with others…but with me it was just there. He has told he’s felt it before, with his first wife.

Being married is surreal, my relationships up until now haven’t given me much hope about love, there have been several elements in them that I try to trust won’t happen in this marriage, sometimes fear of those elements causes me to lose sight of what’s in front of me, and sometimes I panic when we hit a speed bump.

Pay and I met almost 20 years ago, we dated for almost 6 months, and we fell apart. A lot was my doing, but not all. There were fears at the time that kept me from moving forward, and I’m not sure I would have married him then anyway, had life not pulled us apart.

Our reconnection, feels like we didn’t miss a beat, but somehow lost almost 2 decades. He’s hard to get along with at times, but so am I. Either way, I look forward to the rest of my life with him.

Travel

What is love (baby don’t hurt me…no more )

Leave a comment

It is 14:44, I’m lying here listening to my relatively new husband sleep on the phone, no less than 650 miles away. He has work in less than 2 and a half hours, and the new schedule is wearing him out.

Lying here thinking as he’s sleeping, about something he said to me a month or 2 ago, I’d asked him how he knew he loved me, he said something I had never heard before, but when I sit and think about it, it makes me happy, and it gives me hope we can make this last.

His answer was simple, he told me that he felt something with me that he waited to feel with others and hoped to feel with others…but with me it was just there. He has told he’s felt it before, with his first wife.

Being married is surreal, my relationships up until now haven’t given me much hope about love, there have been several elements in them that I try to trust won’t happen in this marriage, sometimes fear of those elements causes me to lose sight of what’s in front of me, and sometimes I panic when we hit a speed bump.

Pay and I met almost 20 years ago, we dated for almost 6 months, and we fell apart. A lot was my doing, but not all. There were fears at the time that kept me from moving forward, and I’m not sure I would have married him then anyway, had life not pulled us apart.

Our reconnection, feels like we didn’t miss a beat, but somehow lost almost 2 decades. He’s hard to get along with at times, but so am I. Either way, I look forward to the rest of my life with him.