Study

B2F1EC90-2FAC-4C1F-AF6A-71CCF16BAFBAStudy…I study his words, my words.

I study his for the meaning behind them, try to see how he came to this conclusion or that. Try to understand his stance and try to sift the truth from the lies…

I understand it’s a defense mechanism, designed to keep me as far away as he can. I try to keep that in my head when I read the harsh words. I also try to keep in mind that his broken spots don’t entitle him to break similar spots in me.

His words, most days, say he cares. Lately this has been less so, and this has caused a rift…a break. We agree to be cordial, but the next day is again icy…silent. I understand that to him, perhaps this silence is as close to cordial as he’s able to muster some days.

Our whole friendship has been a bit of a dance, a coming together of souls to realize they may, in fact, be too close (There is no such thing for me, but I can feel whennit shifts in him). There is either a quiet pull away, or a hard, hateful shove. He doesn’t recognize when we’re in that place that he came the greater part of the way, almost stumbling into it. I watch it happen and know what is to come. Some days…he doesn’t recognize he’s in that space until the second, maybe third day. Those days, when the recognition comes, its never a silent pulling away, Its a hard, forceful push. Sometimes almost violent and cruel…almost abusive.

I study why I accept this from him, I study my thoughts, my heart, my soul. I study why he matters at all. I can tell you that I fully understand the intricacies of the friendship, the details of my ‘why’…but I cannot show them to you because I can’t show you the wholeness of the friendship, those close to me only see a shred, a shard of what is there.

It’s easy to see what is there and say it’s hopeless. It’s not so easy from where I am. I will always wake and wonder how he is, and hope life is kind to him today…and wonder if we’ll talk today.

 

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My favorite gospel account about Christ himself

2 weeks ago, a statue caught my eye as i took my daughter and her best friend bowling. I didn’t explore further that day, but it stuck in my head, as i wondered if the statue depicted what i thought it depicted from far away, moving at the pace of mid morning traffic.

Today i decided to take a closer look…And it was exactly what I thought it was, it was Christ, washing his disciple, Peter’s feet.

Its one of my favorite passages in the New Testament, it’s something that, for whatever reason, has stuck with me and resonated over the years. He humbled himself to the point of serving his disciples, the world, but the picture of the humility he truly embodied could not be more solidly displayed than in this act.

He gave us the example we are supposed to live by, we should take the time to take care of those around us, and we should never see ourselves above anyone, lest we fail to offer a hand when they need it.

Have a blessed night,

*Adopted*

Ever gone to church and felt like the message was written just for you?

Today was one of those days for me. 

In the past week, maybe longer if I am completely honest about how things felt, I have been made to feel (whether accidentally or purposefully, and I have a feeling it’s more a mix of the two) that perhaps I wasn’t quite the Orthodox Christian as those I knew who were ‘Cradle Orthodox’ (those baptised as infants). 

Today our message pointed out that none of us, other than Christ himself, was born Holy.

So, whether we are adopted as mere infants, before the world has gotten it’s chance to mess us up…or we’re 95 when we come to find the church, (or of course, somewhere in between there) we are all, in essence, adopted heirs to the kingdom. The newer ones to the family could use a little more guidance and compassion, we’re not so sure of ourselves yet, but we sure are excited to be in the family!

A Different Direction, Turning a Corner

It’s the beginning of a new year, a time for renewal;  whether it’s real and deep or short lived and superficial, it’s a recognized turning point for so many in the world.

I haven’t committed myself to writing on this blog.  I haven’t even promised myself any of the cliche promises we all promise for the new year. I have only made one promise to myself this year. I hope it sticks.

This year, I will stop apologizing for being me.

I will find a reason to smile….every day, if i can.

I will write occasionally, possibly boring posts…it’s hard to say how the year will come out until we actually get a little further into it.

Stick around if you care to, if not…I’ll understand.

hope the new year holds some promise

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for you.

all the best,

Amanda

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Wong line

Just a quick post:

Monday night late, when we were about to go through the customs declaration to re-enter the US, I saw signage about an app that I had previously downloaded, and how it could make the customs process easier, so I stopped E, scanned her passport and took her photo (I’d done mine before we left the US), and answered the questions it asked.

When we got up to the queue for customs, there were hundreds in line to get through the process, there was one in front of me for the mobile line (it’s the same line as diplomats and military personnel) but he was in the wrong line and sent away with someone else within minutes to direct him accordingly.

I was apprehensive that perhaps this was too easy and I too was in the wrong line, nevertheless, I proceeded to the desk with E in tow, my cell phone with the app opened and my passports in hand. I asked the gentlemen if I too was in the wrong line, he assured me that I was in the correct place. 

Seconds later, after assessing what I handed him, he got a very serious look and told me yes, in fact I was in the Wong line. I started to panic before he smiled a huge smile and pointed at his name tag…his last name was Wong.

This man made my whole day, his sense of humor at what could have been a stressful part of my day made me smile.

Seriously though, if you travel abroad…get this app!!

2 flights to go…

By the time this is posted, we will actually be down to the last flight, as I am writing this as we’re in the air on flight 2. 

Today is a stark difference from yesterday, only crossing one time zone, and surrounded by far nicer people than we were yesterday.

We didn’t care much for the Airport at Heathrow, too much space wasted on duty free shopping and not enough facilities and spaces to relax. People were rude and sat on top of you, the whole atmosphere was a restless one. Quite different from the rest of London in feel. 

Flight attendants were great during the flight, meals left a little to be desired. People around us left a lot to be desired.

Five minutes before the plane took off, the woman behind E went to stand up and grabbed the back of E’s seat (and a large handful of E’s hair) in doing so.  She didn’t notice, and it  was an honest mistake, so we tried to let that go.

10 minutes into our flight, I was trying to get something from the seat back pocket, with my arm between my tray table and the seat, when the woman in front of me decided to recline her seat back hard and fast, catching my arm between the seat and the table. This made me jump and I yelled that my arm was there and that she’d hurt me, she yelled back that she didn’t know, and proceeded to shove the seat back as hard as she could.  Every opportunity se could find after that to push the seat back a little harder, she did. She made eye contact with me several times as she did this, as if to dare me to say something. (I know you may be thinking I’m being a bit overdramatic in saying this, however this woman announced to her seat mate loudly halfway through the flight, upon returning from the lavatories, that there were several empty seats in the back but she was having too much fun in her current seat). 

Today, We’re surrounded by pleasant people. The 2 gentlemen behind us are friends traveling together, one of the 2 traded his first class seat with the woman originally seated there in order to sit with his friend. The man seated next to me is a Vietnam veteran who is very pleasant in the brief conversation we’ve had. He’s headed to vacation with his daughter and grandchildren. The 3 in front of us are an older woman and her 4 yr old grandson and a woman flying solo. The woman in front of E asked if we’d be bothered with her reclining…she did so ever so slightly. The little boy is in front of me, he’s sweet and very animated , we gave him and his grandmother a few mini packets of Haribo starmix just before takeoff. While not completely quiet, the flight is a pleasant one. 

We left our luggage at the airport last night, in a secure luggage locker. This made getting out the door far more pleasant at 3 am. Stayed at Hilton Garden inn, and much like the previous Hilton Garden inn, I am not inclined to want to stay there again. It was dirtier than I would have expected, and the beds were hard, still it was only for a night, or part of one.

Shuttles were efficient and the morning driver was sweet 

Currently listening to Spotify on my phone, E’s head is on my shoulder as I write. 

Map says we’re over the Appalachian mountains in Virginia currently. Can’t tell much from the cloud cover.

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