Proud

So, many of you may know or understand the ins and outs of the Special education world, many of you may not. I have had 2 special education kiddos for as long as they’ve been in school. One with Autism (who, though he still comes with challenges, has come a remarkably long way in 13 years) and one with dyslexia.

E was in special education as a toddler, partially because of her brothers issues, partly because she herself had a few challenges. We moved from Indiana to Texas when she was 3, and she was almost immediately pushed out of the special education system because basically they didn’t see the need for a 3 yr old to be there.

When she was in kindergarten and first grade, she struggled to read and was identified to have dyslexia and possible other learning challenges. They worked with her on a dyslexia program and things improved dramatically over the years (though her 3rd grade teacher was a huge setback and wasn’t so understanding of her challenges).

Today, I attended what promises to be the last ARD for E, as she has ‘graduated’ out of the need for the special education supports. She is a strong learner, who is able to voice when she needs help, and self advocate. She’s become not only very adept at overcoming challenges but is also very mature about it.

Today, I will admit, I am a little bit proud of this kid, and all she has done. ❤️

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A thought for you…a challenge

I’ve noticed something increasingly in the world around me as of late, and to me it seems it’s gotten to be the norm.

People often worry about their weight, their outward appearance, their stuff…but don’t take the time to take care of one important aspect of themselves- their mind, their mood, their spirit.

Do you know that carrying a negative attitude with you can cause a myriad of health issues, (obesity not excluded)? Did you know that keeping yourself in check and realizing (and changing) the negative energy you are putting out can change so much more of your day than you think?

I challenge you today,,,if you will, to do one of 2 things.

1. If you choose to not change any negative you put out in the world, take time at least to observe how it impacts those around you, as well as yourself. Watch how one negative interaction can affect the next 3-5 interactions. Watch how much joy can get sucked out of things that should have made you happy, but hit too close to your bad moment.

2. You can change things, catch yourself before you let negative words fly and change it into something positive…try to take note of how you feel and how others around you respond.

If you do get mad, try to divert the energy…go for a walk, listen to music, go to the bathroom and wash your face and hands and take a good long hard look at yourself and understand that whatever it is, will pass.

I’m as guilty as anyone of the negative energy, I’m working towards the second option as a habit.

Here’s to you!

Study

B2F1EC90-2FAC-4C1F-AF6A-71CCF16BAFBAStudy…I study his words, my words.

I study his for the meaning behind them, try to see how he came to this conclusion or that. Try to understand his stance and try to sift the truth from the lies…

I understand it’s a defense mechanism, designed to keep me as far away as he can. I try to keep that in my head when I read the harsh words. I also try to keep in mind that his broken spots don’t entitle him to break similar spots in me.

His words, most days, say he cares. Lately this has been less so, and this has caused a rift…a break. We agree to be cordial, but the next day is again icy…silent. I understand that to him, perhaps this silence is as close to cordial as he’s able to muster some days.

Our whole friendship has been a bit of a dance, a coming together of souls to realize they may, in fact, be too close (There is no such thing for me, but I can feel when it shifts in him). There is either a quiet pull away, or a hard, hateful shove. He doesn’t recognize when we’re in that place that he came the greater part of the way, almost stumbling into it. I watch it happen and know what is to come. Some days…he doesn’t recognize he’s in that space until the second, maybe third day. Those days, when the recognition comes, its never a silent pulling away, Its a hard, forceful push. Sometimes almost violent and cruel…almost abusive.

I study why I accept this from him, I study my thoughts, my heart, my soul. I study why he matters at all. I can tell you that I fully understand the intricacies of the friendship, the details of my ‘why’…but I cannot show them to you because I can’t show you the wholeness of the friendship, those close to me only see a shred, a shard of what is there.

It’s easy to see what is there and say it’s hopeless. It’s not so easy from where I am. I will always wake and wonder how he is, and hope life is kind to him today…and wonder if we’ll talk today.

My favorite gospel account about Christ himself

2 weeks ago, a statue caught my eye as i took my daughter and her best friend bowling. I didn’t explore further that day, but it stuck in my head, as i wondered if the statue depicted what i thought it depicted from far away, moving at the pace of mid morning traffic.

Today i decided to take a closer look…And it was exactly what I thought it was, it was Christ, washing his disciple, Peter’s feet.

Its one of my favorite passages in the New Testament, it’s something that, for whatever reason, has stuck with me and resonated over the years. He humbled himself to the point of serving his disciples, the world, but the picture of the humility he truly embodied could not be more solidly displayed than in this act.

He gave us the example we are supposed to live by, we should take the time to take care of those around us, and we should never see ourselves above anyone, lest we fail to offer a hand when they need it.

Have a blessed night,

*Adopted*

Ever gone to church and felt like the message was written just for you?

Today was one of those days for me. 

In the past week, maybe longer if I am completely honest about how things felt, I have been made to feel (whether accidentally or purposefully, and I have a feeling it’s more a mix of the two) that perhaps I wasn’t quite the Orthodox Christian as those I knew who were ‘Cradle Orthodox’ (those baptised as infants). 

Today our message pointed out that none of us, other than Christ himself, was born Holy.

So, whether we are adopted as mere infants, before the world has gotten it’s chance to mess us up…or we’re 95 when we come to find the church, (or of course, somewhere in between there) we are all, in essence, adopted heirs to the kingdom. The newer ones to the family could use a little more guidance and compassion, we’re not so sure of ourselves yet, but we sure are excited to be in the family!

A Different Direction, Turning a Corner

It’s the beginning of a new year, a time for renewal;  whether it’s real and deep or short lived and superficial, it’s a recognized turning point for so many in the world.

I haven’t committed myself to writing on this blog.  I haven’t even promised myself any of the cliche promises we all promise for the new year. I have only made one promise to myself this year. I hope it sticks.

This year, I will stop apologizing for being me.

I will find a reason to smile….every day, if i can.

I will write occasionally, possibly boring posts…it’s hard to say how the year will come out until we actually get a little further into it.

Stick around if you care to, if not…I’ll understand.

hope the new year holds some promise

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for you.

all the best,

Amanda