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Christianity, faith, Greek Orthodox, Life

He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” (Matthew 16:15)

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Who am I to you? That’s what Christ was asking…and really it was a valid question for Him to ask then, and it’s a valid question for us today, to ask of our relationships around us, with the people in our lives as well as our relationship with God, right down to the relationships we have with ourselves.

We have many many people who dance in and out of our lives, all of our lives. To some I have been a good friend, to others I have been nothing. Some have found me to be abrasive, obnoxious, funny, charming, kind…any number of words could describe me in any given day, in any given moment.

I have had friends who have left my life over something petty…I don’t know what or who I am to them, not anymore. I don’t know if they hold onto fond memories of me or they let the petty moment that broke our relationship/friendship define me. I can’t control how they see me, I’ve made my peace in every way I know how and gone on with my life.

I don’t know how my kids see me most days, am I an ok mom? I would guess from the fact that the only time they verbalize how they feel about me is when they don’t like me so much…maybe I’m not? I’ve done the best I can there, I’ve tried to make their lives memorable, I share wonderful memories with all 4 of them, and God knows I’ve loved them to the best of my ability.

My relationship with God…it’s not perfect, but I think he knows my heart, he knows how I feel, even if my church life isn’t solid. (I’m currently ‘outside’ my church, because I married outside of the church, which isn’t the right way to go in Eastern Orthodoxy, but I hope to eventually right that, as I truly love my faith. I cannot take communion until that time, which believe it or not, makes me sad) I still read my readings, follow my liturgies and my church on social media for now, and I still pray…I don’t like being estranged, as it makes me wonder what Christ would say…right now…to me, we’re I to ask him:

Who do you say that I am?

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My garbage truck runs at 4 am on Monday mornings it rarely bothers me because I’m almost always wide awake and restless by 3 am.

This morning I’m a little more restless as my back is throbbing, I have eaten cold pizza so that I won’t have issues with the pain medication I’m about to take, in the interim, I’ve caught dishes and laundry up, put the chicken and roast that finally defrosted into the refrigerator and filled the Brita pitchers and coffee pots for a fresh day come morning.

I like our home, I’m not settled yet, I’m not used to it yet, and we’re a little slower going than I’d hoped, between his knees aching and my new pain every day, we’re a bit of a mess.

Yesterday he worked his tail off…I feel a little guilty on that as my back was aching and precluded me being much more use than tits on a bull. He set a goal and he set his mind to the task at hand and he accomplished it. He cleared a corner of the garage (more in the house for me to work on 😆) and moved the refrigerators into the newly cleared space (more room for me to work, so it evens out).

I look forward to gardening, to spring and all that it brings with it, to discovering more of my yard, my woods, my neighborhood.

Our internet sucks (satellite), we don’t have enough data on our hotspots to last even half a month; and I’m missing doing my workouts on my oculus. However I’m in a place my dogs can be dogs, my kids seem less stressed, and I myself am less stressed. So trade offs happen I suppose.

Hoping to afford a trampoline, (for exercises, for energy abatement, for star watching) in the near future, but the ones that fit us (we aren’t lightweights) are a bit on the high end.

Ah well, laundry is going, dishes are going and pizza is in enough that I think I could take my pain med and try to go back to sleep. Full week ahead of us and no matter what, things need done:

Have a good day, make the most of it! Be blessed.