It is 14:44, I’m lying here listening to my relatively new husband sleep on the phone, no less than 650 miles away. He has work in less than 2 and a half hours, and the new schedule is wearing him out.

Lying here thinking as he’s sleeping, about something he said to me a month or 2 ago, I’d asked him how he knew he loved me, he said something I had never heard before, but when I sit and think about it, it makes me happy, and it gives me hope we can make this last.

His answer was simple, he told me that he felt something with me that he waited to feel with others and hoped to feel with others…but with me it was just there. He has told he’s felt it before, with his first wife.

Being married is surreal, my relationships up until now haven’t given me much hope about love, there have been several elements in them that I try to trust won’t happen in this marriage, sometimes fear of those elements causes me to lose sight of what’s in front of me, and sometimes I panic when we hit a speed bump.

Pay and I met almost 20 years ago, we dated for almost 6 months, and we fell apart. A lot was my doing, but not all. There were fears at the time that kept me from moving forward, and I’m not sure I would have married him then anyway, had life not pulled us apart.

Our reconnection, feels like we didn’t miss a beat, but somehow lost almost 2 decades. He’s hard to get along with at times, but so am I. Either way, I look forward to the rest of my life with him.