Who am I to you? That’s what Christ was asking…and really it was a valid question for Him to ask then, and it’s a valid question for us today, to ask of our relationships around us, with the people in our lives as well as our relationship with God, right down to the relationships we have with ourselves.
We have many many people who dance in and out of our lives, all of our lives. To some I have been a good friend, to others I have been nothing. Some have found me to be abrasive, obnoxious, funny, charming, kind…any number of words could describe me in any given day, in any given moment.
I have had friends who have left my life over something petty…I don’t know what or who I am to them, not anymore. I don’t know if they hold onto fond memories of me or they let the petty moment that broke our relationship/friendship define me. I can’t control how they see me, I’ve made my peace in every way I know how and gone on with my life.
I don’t know how my kids see me most days, am I an ok mom? I would guess from the fact that the only time they verbalize how they feel about me is when they don’t like me so much…maybe I’m not? I’ve done the best I can there, I’ve tried to make their lives memorable, I share wonderful memories with all 4 of them, and God knows I’ve loved them to the best of my ability.
My relationship with God…it’s not perfect, but I think he knows my heart, he knows how I feel, even if my church life isn’t solid. (I’m currently ‘outside’ my church, because I married outside of the church, which isn’t the right way to go in Eastern Orthodoxy, but I hope to eventually right that, as I truly love my faith. I cannot take communion until that time, which believe it or not, makes me sad) I still read my readings, follow my liturgies and my church on social media for now, and I still pray…I don’t like being estranged, as it makes me wonder what Christ would say…right now…to me, we’re I to ask him: