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country life, faith, Greek Orthodox, happiness, hello: goodbye, hospital, Life, Travel, wonder

When I was 17, I wrote a poem that was published in my high school ’paper’

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It was a poem about my biological father. I can only remember snippets of it to this day.

two parts I remember:

‘Tis eighteen years since we last met, I’m only seventeen. I barely know to be my dad; a man I’ve never seen.’

And the end of poem:

‘Would I have been a daddy’s girl, if I had had a dad? Or would you be just like the rest, and make me very sad?’

When I was 36, I finally met the man I’d wanted my whole life to know. The man I’d daydream busting with pride because I was in the army and following his footsteps even without him being there. (He was a green beret, sniper, in Vietnam)

My dad was the ultimate disappointment in life. He was a perverse old man who though he knew about all of his kids (there were at least 5 of us) he took responsibility in life for none of them. Claimed no knowledge, but had photos of all of us when we were babies there in his home.

He died of lung cancer in February when I was 40. His family treated me and my children like a nobody at his funeral because all his other children looked like him. I didn’t favor him in any way. (My grandma used to say I was nobody’s kid, because I looked like nobody I was supposed to look like in her opinion.)

Despite all this, I’m glad I got to know the truth on him, that he wasn’t the man I watched for in all the drill sergeants and instructors I had while I was in the army. He was just as ordinary as any other man, and a purposeful deadbeat at best.

Sorry for the dark and twisty start to the day.

All the best,

A

(Craig, I also wrote about Christ when in elementary…about keeping Christ in Christmas, I think I was 4th or 5th grade. He wasn’t ever allowed to be present much in my schools growing up: atheists will tell you that’s a separation of church and state, I believe it’s just one more way to keep their thumb on believers- but o see it as one more way Christ separates the wheat from the chaff, enough trials like that and the chaff will fall away…the wheat won’t…just my 2 cents)

(Also Craig, per Luke, the Holy Spirit forbade them from preaching in Asia. Maybe there was a reason the Asian churches fell away? (Acts 16:6-7) )

country life, employment, faith, Greek Orthodox, happiness, Life

Good morning

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It’s quarter after 6, I’ve been awake since right at 3:30, when the little guy I’m dating decided to ‘like’ one of my photos on his phone.

I’ve had my first cup of coffee and unloaded the dishwasher and loaded the dryer. Will start a fresh load of dishes and wash here in a bit, then feed animals and get dressed to go to Prattville farm swap this morning (looking to buy a few more laying hens)

Nothing overly thrilling going on here these days, been working on getting things back in place for my nursing job, and that’s tedious at best. Supposed to possibly be going to Texas the first week of February for a listing…if it doesn’t sell before then. Less than enthused as it’s been sitting on the market for 3 months with no bites and I’m just not sure what I’m up against at this point.

Quail have gotten quite fat and I’m starting to wonder if I may be over-feeding them. I do like going out to visit them and feel compelled to fill their feeder a few times a day (it’s an awful small feeder for 5-6 per cage)chickens have also gotten quite fat lately, they and the opossums really enjoy my kitchen scraps and leftovers.

Goats…also fat 🙃 but I think the girls are pregnant and should be due mid April (around the 13th).

I still miss my husband every day and wish he was still around. I miss feeling loved and like I really matter to another person.

I hope you have a blessed weekend. I’m looking forward to the farm swap this morning and cow roping this afternoon and church tomorrow.

Catch you soon!

A

country life, faith, happiness, Life, Travel, wonder

Good morning (for a few more minutes here anyway)

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Been a busy couple of days, but most of it has felt like I’m spinning my wheels more so than getting anything done.

My nursing ‘job’ (freelance site where I can pick up shifts) has given me a large handful of hoops to jump, tomorrow is the second half of my advanced cardiovascular life support class, I’ve done background check and drug test, next is tb test and a handful of immunizations.

My cell phone is broken, the charge port seems to be broken and it doesn’t seem to catch my chargers at all, I am using the wireless charger for now but as much as I use my CarPlay in the vehicles, it bothers me to be without the port.hopefully I can get that fixed today.

My baking efforts have been slightly off lately, (I also have had disinterest in baking lately, so they likely go hand in hand ) my kourabiedes didn’t turn out this week and I messed up my banana bread because I forgot to add sugar.

Bible reading, finished the gospels (man did they feel shorter than I thought they would) and 3 chapters into acts. I like Luke’s writing style, can’t explain why but I do.

Cold snap here has made feeding and watering animals a little more tedious, I’m getting chicken eggs regularly (averaging 3-4 a day at this point) , and getting 5-6 quail eggs a day. this weekend I am going to a farm swap in hopes of buying some more laying hens and pullets.

Looking forward to spring!

Best,

A

country life, faith, happiness, hospital, legal, Travel

And so it goes…

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Random musings for the week:

So, me writing daily just isn’t going to happen, I think of things I want to write all day, I even say them in my head and sort them and everything but then I decide that no real audience exists for a 49 year old woman’s rants or whatever.

Here are some of my thoughts for the week though:

I’ve been clearing more and more on my land with the Greenworks zero turn, it can really do some damage and is a little powerhouse. I was afraid it wouldn’t be and also was afraid to try a zero turn…:I won’t say she doesn’t have flaws (she should come with 2 full sets of batteries so you have less down time and the left front guide tire on mine has been off its wheel base since the day I bought it, which makes it hard to control at times but I also don’t know that I’d know how to get it back on myself.

I spent a few days last week looking through my months of January and February last year. I still feel I should have recourse against this hospital (as well as the one here in town for a completely different incident). I believe I’ll look again for a lawyer to talk to, my problem is, these lawyers don’t even care enough to have a conversation with you past looking at medical records. I get that the hospitals write all their stuff up just so…but sometimes it’s just not reality (I’m sorry I’ve been a nurse way too long and seen way too much over the years to think it is.

Goats should be due with babies around April 13-15, I look forward to that. My new quail have had a few hiccups (lost 6 of the 28 in less than a week due to me getting an inadequate shelter for them and having little to no visibility on their wellbeing. I have them in proper shelter now and can see them and have good accounts on the remaining birds well being. Unfortunately I also have them in the barn with the barn door open while it’s chilly out, and this means I have other random birds scouting my barn out to build their nests inside.

I still very much want to establish my flock of jubilee Orpington’s as well as a few other Orpington breeds, however I may wait a few years before I pursue that harder.

Can’t wait for my garden this year, have garlic growing full force already.

I’ll write more next week I hope. Hope you’re staying safe in the winter storms if they affect you.

Beat!

Amanda

Christianity, court, dance, faith, Greek Orthodox, happiness, hello: goodbye, hospital, legal, Life, wonder, wrongful death

Hi there! Bye there 2023!

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2023 has been a mixed bag for me. Some of my highest highs and some of my lowest lows. But mostly a lot of smaller ups and downs.

I lost my beautiful husband and couldn’t get anyone to take my case against what I feel is a horrible hospital with a lot of horrible practices; who I believe caused my husbands death, not his cancer process.

I’ve started back to an Eastern Orthodox Christian church, in Montgomery. It’s small and I feel at home there mostly. I’m glad to have fellowship with even a small church.

I’ve done a lot of gratitude journaling in the last year, a lot of studying the concepts of manifestation and have come back to the same conclusion each time…it’s ALL God, I don’t need a process or a book to teach me to talk to Him more.

Sure, a journal helps in the whole mindfulness aspect of things, but past that, a lot of the books I’ve read have rubbed me wrong because they don’t feel true to God, they feel alien to me, so I grab what I need and I dismiss the parts I don’t feel feel like Him.

Ive prepped a garden and spent a good part of the year working towards clearing the overgrown parts of my land. I’ve killed the John Deere riding mower more than I care to tell you, I’ve given the greenworks zero a turn a run for her money. I spend a lot more time outdoors between the land and my animals (4 goats, 3 dogs, and 24 chickens, minus the 3 indoor kitties).

I’ve dated a man mostly quietly since late June early July. It’s not a relationship that anyone anywhere is going to write a bestselling love story about…but he’s pleasant and makes me smile and laugh: I’m glad he’s in my life.

I intend on 2024 being a year of heavy blogging for me as well as a lot more soul searching and following my own paths. So this is one last post to close out 2023, and tell you I look forward to adventuring with you in 2024.

lol I finished my post and had closed it out, and was done playing with the land for the day, but this came on and changed my mind:

https://open.spotify.com/track/7e89621JPkKaeDSTQ3avtg?si=NcN6LS5JT9mfB_WXqEpCPA

All the best!

Amanda