Up and did chores today, didn’t take time to walk to the garden area today because I had other things in my head.
Dental appointment this afternoon, my face is still numb and it’s been nearly 5 hours. Picked picnic stuff up for dinner tonight and had an easy night.
Grabbed a mini rose plant because my husband loved those, going to work on planting a handful of those in between the regular roses this year.
Have an appointment at 10 tomorrow for the truck to get his tires looked at and also to see why the windshield washers aren’t working, went ahead and did most of tomorrows chores tonight.
I’m really into reading my Bible for just over a year now, just got into the gospels this week, 2 chapters into Mark at the moment. Loving the reading.
Watching the chosen, I like most of it but hate when they sneak modern agendas into a timeline it didn’t exist in.
I still miss my husband, more than words can express, and I still feel the hospital that had him, killed him. I knew the cancer could take him, but everything in me screams that this wasn’t the cancer. I am talking to lawyers and hoping I can get one who sees enough merit in what I’m telling them to take my case.
Little issues since he’s been gone, lawnmower issues that were above my wheelhouse (and Pay taught me to do a lot on my own) the well went out last week, and the washer quit working this weekend. The cost to replace the well was just over 200, the washer was going to exceed 700 when all was said and done, and the dryer had already been taking 3-4 cycles at an hour each to dry a load; so I opted to scrap (Lulu picked up yesterday) and buy a used set from an appliance store in Prattville. The new washer and dryer will be here today. I will be sad to lose my front loaders, but I guess this is life.
I’ve been working out more, and trying to manage the day to day here. Had some business on the real estate side of things, but sadly have had troubles getting myself to work a nursing shift since Pay’s passing. I am afraid of how I will react when I see a nurse or Aide refuse to take care of a patients needs. My fists clench at the very thought…I’ve seen it a lot in my career and usually am the one to pick the slack up…but for now, I’m afraid of how much it will make me break down.
I’m reading a book called the magic, by Rhonda Byrne…so far I’m enjoying it, it’s about embracing gratitude fully. I needed that in my life right now.
I am thankful for the time that I got with my husband, however brief it was. I am thankful that I’m the one who lost him the way I did because I had loved him a long time and know that if he’d died and I never got to hold his hand, hug him, kiss him or all the other intimacies that come in a marriage again…I would have been crushed much more than I already am, though I would maybe also not have seen all he went through or felt as uptight about those in the medical profession as I do today.
I am thankful for my little home in the country, my son and daughter are more relaxed and different people here than they ever were in Frisco. I an more at peace here and still see Payton in everything around me. Im looking forward to more repairs and making the house more and more a home: Cleaning the barn this fall once the weather is cooler. Im thankful for so many little details, but mostly I’m thankful for all he brought into my life.
I will close for now, I hope you are all blessed. Take care.
Puddle Jumping with Pandora's Box 