I’m a little ahead of chores this morning, have to go out to feed the animals in a few, but currently I’m sat in my kitchen floor eating 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a mug of milk.
The kitchen floor is my favorite place these days…I can’t tell you why. I like sitting here and eating or reading; it’s a comfortable place for me.
Pb&j’s are a favorite for me too recently, and funnily enough, I really like them with a cup of milk…plain white milk…the beverage I have seen with disdain my entire life I finally embrace in this, my fiftieth trip around the sun
Ive always been willing to drink chocolate, strawberry or honey milk but white milk has always been one that caused my nose to wrinkle and my tummy to instantly turn, it just wasn’t a good thing for me.
Anyway, I’ve bored you enough for the day with my ramblings.
Eleftherios, my sweet orange tabby, has been in our lives for six years now, he’s always been a bit of a love bug and a cuddler. He is a perpetual kitten and is always very much wanting to be on my lap or under a blanket or whatever.
He used to be a more of a biter, with hard love bites whenever you went to go into another room. He does that less these days but he’s still just as lovey and always wants to be near.
He’s sat in my lap right now as I write this, seems hes always in my lap.
Not sure why I wanted to write on him, just felt I wanted to share my baby with the world.
The first week we brought him home Feb of 2018Last night in my romperThis morning
It’s been a quiet morning with much chaos…I did my normal chores and looked for the title certificate for my Land Rover that’s been sitting for 3 years as a guy is buying it to try to fix it back up to running condition. Left water running in kitchen sink and flooded the kitchen and laundry room to the tune of maybe 45 towels, made extra laundry for myself. Pizza for the kids tonight as I have dance class in Montgomery (Greek dance, which I am, by the way, horrible at).
I may stop to see B, the guy I’m seeing, on my way home tonight, may grab dinner while there and head home.
Guy buying the Land Rover is coming after dance to try to disconnect the drive shaft to ready it for towing.
Lots of thoughts bopping around in my head today, friend of mine this morning opened my eyes to my own negative thoughts and behaviors that I need to try to address, I’m grateful when short little phone calls cause me new awareness of self. Funnily enough he was talking about his own behaviors and faults when they clicked in my head.
I’m impatient…my dating situation is actually very good for me, he’s a very very kind man and when I said it wasn’t anything you’d write a love story about…maybe I need to look at what makes a good love story a little differently. I need to learn patience because we live in a world where everyone expects everyone else to be ‘on’ and available 24-7…we’re not supposed to be that way.
For now, I’ll be happy with the gentle hugs and the forehead kisses and all the quiet sweetness that goes with him…as well as all the other things that make our relationship. I will learn patience and appreciate what’s in front of me…and I will be there for him as long as he wants me in his life. Meanwhile, I will learn to enjoy my own company more in the downtimes when he’s not talking, I’ll learn not to worry or assume I know why he’s quiet when he’s quiet, I’ll spend my time constructively and not destructively-mentally, emotionally or otherwise.
My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality.† For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, “You sit here in a good place,” and say to the poor man, “You stand there,” or, “Sit here at my footstool,” have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?† But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called? If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well;† but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. (James 2:1-9, OSB)
This came up in my daily readings this week.
Ironically, I started going back to church after my husband died, because I felt I needed the fellowship in my life. I also pursued dance class at the same time, taught by a parishioner of my same church.
I don’t fit in either place it seems, though I was excited and eager to be both places, I don’t quite seem ‘good enough’ in either place. Dance class made me feel inept and the instructor cancelled further leasons after just one, citing lack of interest. He restarted them 3 months later but I didn’t bother because of how the initial experience felt to me.
After church, when people gather for fellowship, I end up mostly sitting alone at a table, most already have their people they talk regularly to…I’m simply not one of them and after several weeks, I still wasn’t any closer to being…and I did try.
I don’t tend to have a negative outlook on life or a victim personality…but I’m feeling a little down with regards to these things.
No real reason, just wasn’t exactly feeling inspired I suppose. I am still reading daily and my routine and life haven’t changed much at all.
It’s wet in my part of Alabama, not raining…at the moment but the wetness from the few days we got still hasn’t abated.
I’m sat in my yard, in my favourite chair, I’ve spent a bit of time with my bare feet on the wet mushy ground, the cold wetness hugging my feet as I ‘ground’ myself. I’m listening to Redbirds chirping and the sound of an extremely distant delivery truck backing up and a dog barking half a mile away. The breeze rustles the dead leaves in the trees above me and the ferns clinging to the branches of the tree to my left, and the hairs on my arm which are stood on end because of the briskness of the air. There is a plane somewhere in the distance, an old bomber by the sounds of it, ambling its way invisibly along the horizon. My chickens have finally decided the hawks overhead are a threat, perhaps…or perhaps someone has simply laid a late afternoon egg and has shared the joy with half my flock…who knows?
It’s February, the month I lost my sweetheart, piece at a time. A year ago today we had chemo at some point, I drove him 5 days a week until the unfortunate surgery that started the torturous week and a half until his death. Can’t tell you anything we talked about, can tell you usually he was drained on way home and slept, can also tell you we often had to stop to take over a public restroom. He wasn’t eating much, if at all by this point. I was sad because it felt like he’d already checked out somewhat. He was trying but I don’t think it was himself he was trying for. I miss him, but I’m sad he went through as much as he did, if it was only on my behalf.
I digress, I am at a loss on what more to write at this time.
Wasn’t sure I was going to write this today, been a little out of sorts and tired today.
So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs.”† He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep. Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish.”† This He spoke, signifying by what death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, “Follow Me.” (John 21:15-19, OSB)
This is one of my favorite passages because there’s a story here that means more than just the words on the page: here is the gist-
When Christ asks Peter the first time ‘do you love me?’ If you’re reading the passage in the original Greek…he uses Agape (all encompassing, move heaven and earth kind of love) when Peter answers- he answers him with Filakia (a brotherly, friendship kind of love)
Christ asks again with Agape- Peter answers again with Filakia
Then Christ comes down to Peter’s level and asks him if he loves him-Filakia and Peter, while wearied (I believe with himself ) confirms the Filakia level of love.
I think the biggest lesson to me is that even while he was here among us, he was able to come to us and understand and meet us at our level. (He knows we’re better than we acknowledge or try to be, but he meets us where we are until we understand the concept of moving heaven and earth ourselves with our love for Him.
I find I wake slower these days than I used to when I was younger…it’s not a complaint.
There is a peace and relaxation in the rhythm and routine of my mornings, and in the peaceful solitude they offer.
My 2 young adult children are up in their rooms tucked away, and they rarely disrupt that solitude…when they do, it’s a welcome disruption.
I wake slowly, read my orthodox reading for the day and my inspirational text for the day, generally play 2 rounds of solitaire and 5-10 minutes of the monopoly game before getting up to go to the bathroom and pull my hair up to start my day.
My bed isn’t fastidious or a thing of beauty…it’s simple in fact…but making it is one of the very first things I do when I’m up.
I shuffle into the kitchen for coffee, the cats wait outside my door to tell me they’re starving and their water bowls need filled; I of course oblige. I decide on my coffee cup for the day, I have many as I collect them and they match my moods. I set it at the Keurig and proceed to load the dishwasher. I assess the laundry situation and decide there isn’t enough dirty for a load yet. I wash my hand washables and put my coffee on.
My yard is bathed in a beautiful pink glow this morning…it makes me smile as I’m washing the dishes partly because it makes me think of Christ and the way he called (I believe) the Pharisees and scribes hippocrites because they could read the signs with regard to weather but not with regards to God…and partly because the pink is my favorite color right now and this glow seems to soften my whole front yard. I didn’t take a photo because I didn’t need one to remember it, and I didn’t want to physically share it as some things feel like a gift just for me. Once i finish my morning cup of coffee, I’ll grab dog food and a bottle of water and head out to feed chickens and goats and dogs and quail. I lost Vincent, one of my favorite chickens, yesterday. Not sure what happened but it seemed like he got choked/asphyxiated somehow. Burying him was heartbreaking to me. Not sure how the rest of the day will go, lots of little things to do/catch up and will probably spend the afternoon with my daughter either watching tv or walking to the garden area in the rain.
Todays thought isn’t a verse but part of a familiar story:
And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”† So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”† (Matthew 14:28-31, OSB)
I think what stands out here to me is the human propensity to freak out when things start to get a little rough in life. If you examine it closely, Peter’s doubt wasn’t in Christ’s ability to save him, he had no doubt there, where he doubted was that Christ already had him protected and covered.
We stress a lot in life, it’s easy to be upset on how life is going and even sometimes feel like maybe God doesn’t have out back. But sometimes it’s our own freak outs that cause everything to go south. We don’t hand it to God and trust that he has our back, we pseudo hand it to him and decide he’s not going to help us…for whatever reason.
We need to trust God a little more and our own thoughts a little less.
Puddle Jumping with Pandora's Box 