Feeling disjointed

Dear Spectrum, Verizon, ATT, T-mobile, and all the other companies that provide connectivity services to those of us across the US.
You want to be the go-to in wireless, as an internet provider, etc. Then understand where you’re failing us as a people, understand that hotspots are what some of us are surviving on, recognize that going that extra half mile for installation for a new customer may cost a little extra, but sometimes going the extra mile is called for.
We live in a disjointed society, divided by different beliefs on several different things; be it political, racial, gender based or otherwise. Now Covid has us more out of touch than ever, our children barely learning in an already strained school system. And you as our internet providers , you can’t even step up and recognize that going the extra mile to ease up on hotspot restrictions, or take a chance and install someone a quarter a mile versus your 200 foot limitations, is sometimes a necessity?
I know this will fall on deaf ears, but it’s just my morning musings.

What is love (baby don’t hurt me…no more )

It is 14:44, I’m lying here listening to my relatively new husband sleep on the phone, no less than 650 miles away. He has work in less than 2 and a half hours, and the new schedule is wearing him out.

Lying here thinking as he’s sleeping, about something he said to me a month or 2 ago, I’d asked him how he knew he loved me, he said something I had never heard before, but when I sit and think about it, it makes me happy, and it gives me hope we can make this last.

His answer was simple, he told me that he felt something with me that he waited to feel with others and hoped to feel with others…but with me it was just there. He has told he’s felt it before, with his first wife.

Being married is surreal, my relationships up until now haven’t given me much hope about love, there have been several elements in them that I try to trust won’t happen in this marriage, sometimes fear of those elements causes me to lose sight of what’s in front of me, and sometimes I panic when we hit a speed bump.

Pay and I met almost 20 years ago, we dated for almost 6 months, and we fell apart. A lot was my doing, but not all. There were fears at the time that kept me from moving forward, and I’m not sure I would have married him then anyway, had life not pulled us apart.

Our reconnection, feels like we didn’t miss a beat, but somehow lost almost 2 decades. He’s hard to get along with at times, but so am I. Either way, I look forward to the rest of my life with him.

Consecrated

The reading is from St. Paul’s Second Letter to Timothy 2:20-26

Timothy, my son, in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and earthenware, and some for noble use, some for ignoble. If any one purifies himself from what is ignoble, then he will be a vessel for noble use, consecrated and useful to the master of the house, ready for any good work. So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with stupid, senseless controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kindly to every one, an apt teacher, forbearing, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant that they will repent and come to know the truth, and they may escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
bowl1

you may question my purpose for sharing this particular reading with you in this particular post, however it is one of my 2 readings for this morning as an Orthodox Christian.

I relate a lot to this post this morning as a dear friend of mine has questioned my moral compass, and though I can see opportunities to also question their moral compass, if I ever did approach, it would not be with the harshness he has approached me with this morning.

I think many when they read this post will see the silver and gold vessels as noble vessels and perhaps the wood and earthenware vessels lend themselves to being the ignoble vessels. However I believe that looks can be deceiving when you consider it, and all vessels, if they are cleaned inside and out, can be noble vessels and all vessels, when allowed to go to waste, or sit in filth, can become ignoble vessels.

I believe at times my friend sees himself as a gold or silver vessel, nontarnishable and always clean. I think he doesn’t even recognize that ones moral compass can be skewed at times, no matter how you see yourself.

I am a wooden vessel, and though I work hard to become clean, wooden vessels always lend themselves to looking at least a little bit dirty.  Even on my best days, I am not without fault…but i remain committed to being or becoming a noble vessel.

I don’t write this to shame my friend, but to help myself push past the shame he has tried to push off on me.

also, I write this to give comfort and uplift any others who also may recognize they are a wooden vessel, and never quite feel as clean as other souls around them.

just my rant for the day,

all the best,

amanda (catherine)

Moses

So, 2 days ago, my daughter and I went to pick up a kitty, Moses, who needed rehomed.

Moses is a 3 yr old Siamese Mix, who has twisted leg syndrome and cannot use his back legs. His previous owner told me he had a lot of anxieties, and was very verbal and needy.

Since we brought Moses home, he’s taken up residence under the bed in the downstairs bedroom, away from the other 2 cats, and gets lots of love when I am down here watching tv or working. He’s not actually verbal at all since we got him home, nor is he at all nervous (he helped me clean this morning and when a suitcase fell and nearly hit him, he barely flinched).

We are blessed with this new little fellows love and companionship. He is an absolute joy for us and he himself seems especially fond of my 16 yr old Son.

Hopefully I will be writing from time to time about him, as he learns the house a little better and does something besides coming out for snuggles and climbing on the bed to be next to me.

We were charged to Love one another…

Loving other people doesn’t require that they give you permission.

It doesn’t even mean that they will love you back…

Yet, we are to show love to those around us….to show kindness in the face of evil, to lend a helping hand cheerfully when we are able.

We are charged to love even those we deem unlovable, love those we see don’t want love, still we love.

It is easy to look at political parties, religious differences, sexual differences, down to any finite detail of a person….and find a reason not to love.

It isn’t hard to find an excuse not to love.

Yet, we are charged to love this unlovable world.

Called upon to step up, called upon to speak out

Not me specifically

All Christians

Christianity is increasingly being persecuted in the current state of the world. Media (even social media) sides with Muslims and Athiests 10 to 1 over Christians in our current world.

Why do they get away with it? Because we as a people are so very divided. We have our own denominations and beliefs, and often we are seen tearing one another down, though everything I read in my bible says we should not be looking at what sets us apart, but at our commonality, that is our common core belief, in Christ, in his church, and in The Father and The Holy Spirit.

We are lacking love, compassion, and trust. We are lacking the conviction to stand up for our beliefs when it really matters. We are losing our saltiness and our flavor as Christians. We need to speak up and not back down;

Especially in the face of Challenge and Adversity!!

Reflections

It’s a quiet night and I’m winding down to go to sleep. I have thoughts I want to write before I rest, but part of me worries that those who read this will misunderstand what I am writing or why I am writing.

I watched a friend lose his daughter this week…it was a tough thing to watch, knowing you can’t do much besides be there, as an ear…as a shoulder.

I talked with someone I consider a friend, a man who was very instrumental in my conversion to Orthodoxy in the last 2 years. We discussed how sometimes you just get too tired to fight anymore, and you’re ok when it’s your time.

I’ve come to realize that for many of us that’s going to be true when you finally get there. I wonder of course, when the time comes…will I be remembered fondly…or at all?

We live in a harsh world, where we’re often so caught up in ourselves, we miss the nuances of what makes us human.

Take time, look around you, notice those who care about you…before they aren’t there anymore.

Just a ramble…goodnight