Had coyotes outside my room at 415, at least half a dozen, singing their hearts out.
I have to feed animals soon, picking tomato plants and sunflowers up today in Montgomery.
Will be a quiet 2 weeks here for several reasons, but I have plenty to keep me busy.
Garden getting tilled Thursday, God-willing
Hoping to pull an old rusty wheelbarrow to the front yard today to create an herb garden for the year in it.
Have 2 dozen eggs in the incubator due to hatch the 1st of April
Needing to move some of the chicken coops and pens towards the fence line in coming days, hopefully can be done without a lot of damage , need to fix the nesting box door on one of the coops as it’s currently non functional (kept falling off, ended up screwing it on as solid fixture temporarily).
Needing to get new leashes and collars for the dogs for summer walks.
I went to bed and slept decently early last night but got texts at 11:13 and again at 1:27 that woke me fully.
He’s gone to bed and asleep now (I think 🤷♀️) and here I am wide awake a full hour after he’s excused himself.
Just got up and made 3 fresh pitchers of tea for the day, unloaded the dishwasher and put it away, and checked the laundry and reset the dryer (it never takes less than 2 cycles to dry)
Not sure what the day ahead holds for me. So going to try to go back to sleep until time to feed animals and fold laundry.
It’s been a quiet morning with much chaos…I did my normal chores and looked for the title certificate for my Land Rover that’s been sitting for 3 years as a guy is buying it to try to fix it back up to running condition. Left water running in kitchen sink and flooded the kitchen and laundry room to the tune of maybe 45 towels, made extra laundry for myself. Pizza for the kids tonight as I have dance class in Montgomery (Greek dance, which I am, by the way, horrible at).
I may stop to see B, the guy I’m seeing, on my way home tonight, may grab dinner while there and head home.
Guy buying the Land Rover is coming after dance to try to disconnect the drive shaft to ready it for towing.
Lots of thoughts bopping around in my head today, friend of mine this morning opened my eyes to my own negative thoughts and behaviors that I need to try to address, I’m grateful when short little phone calls cause me new awareness of self. Funnily enough he was talking about his own behaviors and faults when they clicked in my head.
I’m impatient…my dating situation is actually very good for me, he’s a very very kind man and when I said it wasn’t anything you’d write a love story about…maybe I need to look at what makes a good love story a little differently. I need to learn patience because we live in a world where everyone expects everyone else to be ‘on’ and available 24-7…we’re not supposed to be that way.
For now, I’ll be happy with the gentle hugs and the forehead kisses and all the quiet sweetness that goes with him…as well as all the other things that make our relationship. I will learn patience and appreciate what’s in front of me…and I will be there for him as long as he wants me in his life. Meanwhile, I will learn to enjoy my own company more in the downtimes when he’s not talking, I’ll learn not to worry or assume I know why he’s quiet when he’s quiet, I’ll spend my time constructively and not destructively-mentally, emotionally or otherwise.
My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality.† For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, “You sit here in a good place,” and say to the poor man, “You stand there,” or, “Sit here at my footstool,” have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?† But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called? If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well;† but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. (James 2:1-9, OSB)
This came up in my daily readings this week.
Ironically, I started going back to church after my husband died, because I felt I needed the fellowship in my life. I also pursued dance class at the same time, taught by a parishioner of my same church.
I don’t fit in either place it seems, though I was excited and eager to be both places, I don’t quite seem ‘good enough’ in either place. Dance class made me feel inept and the instructor cancelled further leasons after just one, citing lack of interest. He restarted them 3 months later but I didn’t bother because of how the initial experience felt to me.
After church, when people gather for fellowship, I end up mostly sitting alone at a table, most already have their people they talk regularly to…I’m simply not one of them and after several weeks, I still wasn’t any closer to being…and I did try.
I don’t tend to have a negative outlook on life or a victim personality…but I’m feeling a little down with regards to these things.
No real reason, just wasn’t exactly feeling inspired I suppose. I am still reading daily and my routine and life haven’t changed much at all.
It’s wet in my part of Alabama, not raining…at the moment but the wetness from the few days we got still hasn’t abated.
I’m sat in my yard, in my favourite chair, I’ve spent a bit of time with my bare feet on the wet mushy ground, the cold wetness hugging my feet as I ‘ground’ myself. I’m listening to Redbirds chirping and the sound of an extremely distant delivery truck backing up and a dog barking half a mile away. The breeze rustles the dead leaves in the trees above me and the ferns clinging to the branches of the tree to my left, and the hairs on my arm which are stood on end because of the briskness of the air. There is a plane somewhere in the distance, an old bomber by the sounds of it, ambling its way invisibly along the horizon. My chickens have finally decided the hawks overhead are a threat, perhaps…or perhaps someone has simply laid a late afternoon egg and has shared the joy with half my flock…who knows?
It’s February, the month I lost my sweetheart, piece at a time. A year ago today we had chemo at some point, I drove him 5 days a week until the unfortunate surgery that started the torturous week and a half until his death. Can’t tell you anything we talked about, can tell you usually he was drained on way home and slept, can also tell you we often had to stop to take over a public restroom. He wasn’t eating much, if at all by this point. I was sad because it felt like he’d already checked out somewhat. He was trying but I don’t think it was himself he was trying for. I miss him, but I’m sad he went through as much as he did, if it was only on my behalf.
I digress, I am at a loss on what more to write at this time.
I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own. As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep. And other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd.† (John 10:14-16, OSB)
I’ve never had sheep, I’ve only ever had goats and chickens. But I can tell you from experience that getting 2 flocks that are different in nature, be it the age or type of flock or whatever, is a challenge.
I can’t imagine what could have been going through the original flocks (Israel-Jews) head when the concept of a new flock not only being in existence but especially the idea that eventually the 2 flocks would be inevitably one, as they shared one shepherd.
I can tell you that the idea that the sheep know their shepherd isn’t foreign to anyone who owns any type of animals, you learn your animals and what makes them special and how they need to be talked to, what they need to be fed…etc.
I like that Christ spells out a familiarity with his followers in this manner, many may make fun of Christian’s as sheep but to me it’s a slightly different context than they would like you to think of when they shame us as such.
Sheep can be led to slaughter but that’s not what Christ is offering us, he’s offering us to protected by His grace as we go in and out to ‘find pasture’.
He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 16:15-17, OSB)
I think God, and Christ, both allow us to form our own thoughts and beliefs on who he was. He gave ample opportunities to those who surrounded him, both in his intimate space (apostles, close friends, and the women who followed his ministry) and by evidence even enough that even those farther removed saw His miracles or came to understand who he was.
I believe in Him because my heart tells me He is who He says He is. I don’t push others to believe against their will, nor do I hide or have any shame in my beliefs. I know God hardens hearts and opens hearts, ultimately we have to trust that.
I also think, maybe we should ask those around us who we are to them a little more often.
I find I wake slower these days than I used to when I was younger…it’s not a complaint.
There is a peace and relaxation in the rhythm and routine of my mornings, and in the peaceful solitude they offer.
My 2 young adult children are up in their rooms tucked away, and they rarely disrupt that solitude…when they do, it’s a welcome disruption.
I wake slowly, read my orthodox reading for the day and my inspirational text for the day, generally play 2 rounds of solitaire and 5-10 minutes of the monopoly game before getting up to go to the bathroom and pull my hair up to start my day.
My bed isn’t fastidious or a thing of beauty…it’s simple in fact…but making it is one of the very first things I do when I’m up.
I shuffle into the kitchen for coffee, the cats wait outside my door to tell me they’re starving and their water bowls need filled; I of course oblige. I decide on my coffee cup for the day, I have many as I collect them and they match my moods. I set it at the Keurig and proceed to load the dishwasher. I assess the laundry situation and decide there isn’t enough dirty for a load yet. I wash my hand washables and put my coffee on.
My yard is bathed in a beautiful pink glow this morning…it makes me smile as I’m washing the dishes partly because it makes me think of Christ and the way he called (I believe) the Pharisees and scribes hippocrites because they could read the signs with regard to weather but not with regards to God…and partly because the pink is my favorite color right now and this glow seems to soften my whole front yard. I didn’t take a photo because I didn’t need one to remember it, and I didn’t want to physically share it as some things feel like a gift just for me. Once i finish my morning cup of coffee, I’ll grab dog food and a bottle of water and head out to feed chickens and goats and dogs and quail. I lost Vincent, one of my favorite chickens, yesterday. Not sure what happened but it seemed like he got choked/asphyxiated somehow. Burying him was heartbreaking to me. Not sure how the rest of the day will go, lots of little things to do/catch up and will probably spend the afternoon with my daughter either watching tv or walking to the garden area in the rain.
Puddle Jumping with Pandora's Box 