What are your favorite types of foods?
Not sure how to answer this question. I love Mediterranean foods, especially Greek.
I also love all fruits and vegetables, types of foods us a little vague.
What are your favorite types of foods?
Not sure how to answer this question. I love Mediterranean foods, especially Greek.
I also love all fruits and vegetables, types of foods us a little vague.
Do you see yourself as a leader?
I’m capable of being a leader when life calls on me to be one, but sometimes it’s just as important to be a participant and let someone else take that role.
What’s your favorite word?
Exquisite is my favorite word with euphoria being a close second
What are you doing this evening?
And quote Pinky and the brain from my younger years…the same thing we do every day…try to take over the world.

However truthfully, I’ll likely spend a lot of my evening doing laundry, as I’ve been waiting all day for my washer and dryer to get here and I’ve been 5 days without being able to do laundry.
BLT’s for supper, a few workouts here and there, music in my ears and catching up the laundry.
Nothing super exciting. Hope it’s a good evening for all.
~Amanda
I still miss my husband, more than words can express, and I still feel the hospital that had him, killed him. I knew the cancer could take him, but everything in me screams that this wasn’t the cancer. I am talking to lawyers and hoping I can get one who sees enough merit in what I’m telling them to take my case.
Little issues since he’s been gone, lawnmower issues that were above my wheelhouse (and Pay taught me to do a lot on my own) the well went out last week, and the washer quit working this weekend. The cost to replace the well was just over 200, the washer was going to exceed 700 when all was said and done, and the dryer had already been taking 3-4 cycles at an hour each to dry a load; so I opted to scrap (Lulu picked up yesterday) and buy a used set from an appliance store in Prattville. The new washer and dryer will be here today. I will be sad to lose my front loaders, but I guess this is life.
I’ve been working out more, and trying to manage the day to day here. Had some business on the real estate side of things, but sadly have had troubles getting myself to work a nursing shift since Pay’s passing. I am afraid of how I will react when I see a nurse or Aide refuse to take care of a patients needs. My fists clench at the very thought…I’ve seen it a lot in my career and usually am the one to pick the slack up…but for now, I’m afraid of how much it will make me break down.
I’m reading a book called the magic, by Rhonda Byrne…so far I’m enjoying it, it’s about embracing gratitude fully. I needed that in my life right now.
I am thankful for the time that I got with my husband, however brief it was. I am thankful that I’m the one who lost him the way I did because I had loved him a long time and know that if he’d died and I never got to hold his hand, hug him, kiss him or all the other intimacies that come in a marriage again…I would have been crushed much more than I already am, though I would maybe also not have seen all he went through or felt as uptight about those in the medical profession as I do today.
I am thankful for my little home in the country, my son and daughter are more relaxed and different people here than they ever were in Frisco. I an more at peace here and still see Payton in everything around me. Im looking forward to more repairs and making the house more and more a home: Cleaning the barn this fall once the weather is cooler. Im thankful for so many little details, but mostly I’m thankful for all he brought into my life.
I will close for now, I hope you are all blessed. Take care.

~Amanda
This blog is going to come out a little bit sloppy; but more than being sloppy, it’s an attempt to get things out of my head and heart, and keep it real.
I lost my husband almost 3 weeks ago, 18 days ago to be exact. I know I still have a long way to go in the grieving process, however, I’m hoping getting my thoughts out here might help someone else, somewhere along the way.
My husband and I weren’t perfect, we weren’t a perfect fit at all times; we were capable of fighting, like cats and dogs, but we were also capable of loving one another like no one‘s business.
Payton was one my best friends,and at the end of the day, I wouldn’t have traded my time with him for anyone else. He saw me for me, and he loved me for me. He never made me feel less than beautiful or loved, he made me feel like the best thing he’s ever had.
Funny thing is, we were…scratch that…I was judged because of when and how I came in to his life this last go round; I was judged by his family, or at least part of them, because he married me almost directly after a divorce. I was seen as his mistress and was told this directly.
What they didn’t see, and what they will never understand, is that I looked for, and loved this man for the better part of 20 years (And by all accounts at his end, he did the same). I was in a bad place many years ago when we met. We were coming out of bad marriages and I was very afraid of the relationship possibilities with him at that point, to say I self-sabotaged the relationship would be putting it mildly. I lived to regret it, and I regret it to this day.
I don’t regret marrying someone I loved with everything in me. I only regret the time I lost with him because of fears caused by other people.
That’s all I know to say for now, I wish you the best.
~a

Everything in life is all about moments,
We have good moments…the day a baby is born…the day we figure out we’re in love…the day we marry…buy a house or car…and on and on.
We also have bad moments…the days we fight…the days when a much anticipated vacation gets yanked away from us…the days our loved ones fall ill and we’re at a loss on how to fix anything…the days we lost those loved ones…this list goes on and on as well.
I’m a newly widowed wife, a heartbroken woman who holds onto and treasures the memories of the good days, but is haunted by the memories of the bad days as well.
I’ve been without him for exactly 5 days, though the last time I know he knew I was there was 11 days ago; we talked about the idea of a DNR before he went in for a stent surgery that never took place. He wasn’t wanting the DNR, and I was trying to explain to him why I felt it necessary.
On Feb 23, just after 1:00 he had an episode that I believe was the beginning of the end for him; his nursing staff had him pushed over on his side to do care to his backside, he made a gut wrenching noise, and when they flipped him back over, what seemed like an eternity later, he was choking on a lung full of biliary fluids and gastric acid. This would be the episode he would not bounce back from. His renal system shut down in short order, and his blood gasses started to go south shortly thereafter.
The hospital scheduled an esophageal stent 3 times prior to this episode, only to not follow through on any of them, the episode preempted a 4th promised stent and even then the explanation given by the surgeon as to why wasn’t even congruent with what he had going on. I know at this point it would have been pointless but the prior promised attempts, would not have been and could have had a chance at saving his life.
His family is angry at me for honoring my husbands wishes; I can’t and wouldn’t take that back. They’re angry for other misconceptions too, but once again, I can’t change their mindset on me, nor would I want to, my mindset on them isn’t dissimilar.
I shall close for now, my regards and well wishes to anyone reading.

Or whatever you want to call it…this just happened…
Why has these been a mass exodus of the American workforce this year? How can anyone afford to do such a thing, and why did it occur?
So, firsthand, I quit a nursing job a few weeks ago, not because I could afford to be without work, but because what I was seeing unfold in front of me, wasn’t a place I wanted to be. The staff there, they all mean well and they were all just trying to finish their day, and everything about the place was very much a one day at a time kind of approach…they seemed to know things were broken, yet even when told point blank that my reason for leaving was the brokenness, I was simply told it was a bad time for me to quit, and could I consider staying on a little longer.
No, I could tell you a hundred things that were broken, none of them causing a ‘report-worthy issue’ from a nursing standpoint, but all setting the facility to always be the ‘incessantly needy toddler” that the exiting DON herself described the facility to be. Setting them up to always be stressed- always be short staffed and overwhelmed.
Does it have to be that way? The simple answer is no, but the longer answer is that, more often than not, proactive acts can help lessen the strain on employees, make them feel appreciated, help them feel good about their job, lessen the chances of being understaffed (people who don’t want to come to work call in, people who are always stressed tend to always feel under the weather).
Sometimes it takes sitting down and taking a look at what’s in front of you, and looking for little ways to adjust and overcome little issues. A simple fix on the nursing job I resigned from would removing redundancies in the charting, as you accounted for the same information not 2-3 times but a minimum of 5-6 times per resident/patient over the course of a med pass, and then had to also do an assessment with the same info. ( a for instance, if a patient has a hypertension med, or a heart med, oft times we have to take their pulse and blood pressure before administering, and input these with the medicine indicated, but if they have 3 to 4 blood pressure medicines, all will need to have that information in there, and if you have to hold said meds, then that also must be charted along with once again inputting said b/p reading, not once, but for every medicine affected by that b/p. Then if a patient should have an infection, they need temp monitored, then most might have weekly full vitals that also need input, then you also have a COVID assessment daily, that requires temp and O2 sat. This could easily all be input and made to auto fill into the other places it needs to be, even causing an auto ‘flagging’ alert to all impacted meds, but it’s not the case in this facility, as I’m sure it isn’t with many others. Also this info should have its own time to be gotten, prior to needing to do med passes or anything else, and there should be proper amount of equipment, in well serviced condition, none of these conditions existed), and I spent my nights before work in a constant state of panic and physically very ill, every time I was to go in. I resigned because my health wasn’t worth the paycheck being offered as a trade-off.
Another example, a close relative of mine works for a company, I won’t name drop, but I watch as the employees around this person are always extremely late. I wondered when I first saw it, how on earth an employer could tolerate such a lack of respect from their employees with regard to timeliness, let alone any other factor. As I watched on, I recognized that the employer itself wasn’t respectful of the shifts it set for its employees, and these employees were taking back what they felt was theirs,because an extra hour here or there eventually rolled into an extra day here or there, with nothing extra as a trade off for salaried employees.
In short, I think there are ways to audit your companies, and make them a place people want to work, I don’t think either of the companies I am talking about are beyond repair, but you have to actually care what you’re doing with regard to your employees, because the highest pay grade won’t matter if the work conditions aren’t amicable or respectful to those in your employ.
I have considered myself whether companies would welcome an outside ‘audit’ of their company, and actually take time to understand those in their employ, and how to make it a more productive, less stressful workplace, where there are less people who don’t want to be there, or do the bare minimum to get by, and more who, at the end of the day, feel validated, and valued.I think this would cause less employees to walk away and cost employers less in the long run than they cost themselves by training employees they don’t keep because they do the opposite.
Just my unsolicited two-cents, but an honest opinion.
All the best,
Amanda